After tons of deal-breakers

I’m another person who’s puzzled by the idea that having an idea of the sort of person you’d want to date is shallow. I think it’s a good thing. It shows that you’re not just looking for a relationship, any relationship, OMG TEH BIOLOGICAL CLOCKZ!!1! — but that you’ve already got a decent idea of who you are, and you’re generally OK with yourself and your life. OK enough with it to invite someone to share it with you, candidly and openly, while being realistic about what’s probably not going to work. I think those are all markers of psychological health.

One thing about it that may correlate to political alignment: liberals typically value individuals over institutions, and conservatives do it the other way ’round. (Heh. Sounds like a T-shirt, a la “Rogues do it from behind”.) Anyway, because we don’t read anything into our success or failure in any given relationship past the individuals involved, that might make us likelier just to try again with other individuals, whereas someone more given to essentialist thinking might get rejected by the same number of people and get a whole complex about the opposite sex, like the Nice Guy(TM) or his female counterpart.

Long story short, I think traditional gender roles come into play here. Women are expected to be attractive to men above all else, and men are expected to be virile and macho and irresistible to women. I think the more progress you make towards overcoming those gender roles, the more likely you are to be choosy about your relationships, because your relationship status is no longer a big neon sign telling your worth as a human being. Food for thought.